30

“Choices always were a problem for you. What you need is someone strong to guide you.”

from Opiate by Tool

On a brisk, October evening when I was younger I lay face down on the cement steps of a parking garage with a knife sticking out of my lower back. I remember thinking, then or shortly after, that I wouldn’t see 30.  At the pace I was going, a sprint through self destructive behavior, I was lucky to make it out of my teens. I suppose the choices I made, good or bad, allowed me to continue forward movement in this life. With the recent death of one of my closest friends, that forward movement brings on a much more substantial meaning. Perhaps it is momentum that keeps us going. Maybe, for some people, there just wasn’t enough. More than once on the three decade journey I’ve been lucky enough to keep breathing. Today, more than yesterday, I am grateful for that.

Thank you, to all of those who have shown love and support, who helped me back to my feet when I didn’t want help, and even those of you who turned your back and exposed the truth.

RIP – John, David, Joel, Mikey, Jason, Matthew, Melissa, and Lucky.

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